My first child, Opal Joy, was due to be born early November and on November 12, we found out that her heart had stopped beating in my belly. Because we were so shocked and devastated, it was hard for us to believe the Lord for a miracle, for Opal’s life, so we decided to get our community to be praying and believing for nothing less than resurrection. We quickly learned just how amazing our community is. We had friends staying up all night praying for us, believing. It gave us strength to believe as well.
Our dear friends and pastors from Bethel Church Atlanta, Justin and Jenn, even drove all the way from Tyrone late that Thursday night just to be with us and bring along some major hope. Seriously, the atmosphere changed when they walked in the room. My heart grew more and more expectant because of the hope they carried. We sang and prayed and cried and prayed some more, and then we decided to go home and get some rest before we began the induction process.
The next morning after not resting very well at all, we got to talk to two of our best friends, Michael and Jennifer, who were at missions school in Mozambique and had hardly had any wifi at all the past several weeks. But somehow, they were able to get wifi to call us and they, along with another friend, Erin, prayed for us and ministered to us for almost 2 hours. And again, our hope was stirred. They even got one of their teachers, Will Hart, who has ministered to thousands of people and seen the Lord love people in miraculous ways, to pray for our girl.
That afternoon at the hospital, they gave me Cervadil to soften my cervix, and then it was a waiting game. Our pastors, Steve and Lindy came by and prayed for us, and deposited a big dose of hope. After having dinner with our parents, we were able to sleep through the night. The next morning after 12 hours of the Cervadil, we found out that I had gone from 1 ½ cm dilated to 2 whole centimeters!! Ha! Even though it wasn’t very much progress, we decided to go ahead and get an epidural and receive some Pitocin and hope things got moving from there. My doula was present with us throughout the whole experience and she offered a wealth of support to us as we made decisions, and has continued to be so amazingly encouraging to us.
That epidural really was something! I was able to sit around with family and friends and talk as though I were not in labor, but rather sitting around a campfire. I even got to take a nap during labor! All the while, friends were texting scripture, their prayers and their encouragement. A couple of my aunts and a cousin came to visit and encourage us, and a mentor of mine, Jeaunett, came and prayed for us. She and Justin walked the halls of the hospital praying, and then she stayed to minister to my mother while I was in labor. How do I ever find a way to thank those who loved us so well?
I woke up after napping a couple of hours because the epidural started to ware off a bit, so they gave me a little more. Well, 45 minutes later, I was +3 cm. Wow. I was about to have a baby! I had been so focused on fighting for her life, that I had forgotten all about the fact that I was about to go through labor. They took me off the medicine so that I could feel to push, and it took a couple of hours to ware off. We worshipped continuously, and as it came closer to time, Kyle declared Scripture that I had prepared weeks earlier for Opal’s birthday. At 6pm, with my doula on one side and Jenn and Kyle on the other, I started pushing. My doctor, midwife, doula and nurses were phenomenal, but Kyle was my hero. He fought for me, strengthened me, all the while believing God for a miracle through the toughest battle of our lives. I’ve never been more in love with him. My best friend and my champion.
Our girl made her grand entrance that Saturday evening at 7 o’clock at 8lb 11.5oz, and 21 ½ inches long, and with a head full of beautiful dark brown hair (like her mama’s). As they placed her on my chest, I started telling her that it was time to wake up. She was by far the most beautiful and perfect baby I had ever laid eyes on. The warmth of her body on mine was the most eternally joyous feeling, and I wanted so badly to watch her come to life and start crying on my chest. We prayed and worshipped. Our theme song seemed to be “Lily’s Song” by Kristine DiMarco. Over and over again, we sang, “Praise the Lord, oh my soul, and let all that’s within me praise His name! … For I will not die, I will live, and I’ll tell of the works of the Lord, and sing of His wonders … Oh, nothing’s gonna take your praise out of my mouth as long as I shall live, as long as I shall live, for you’re a great God!” What holy moments. I will never forget.
Justin came in and prayed, and we all fought and believed together. Our nurse and midwife even joined in as we sang “Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.” Our parents came in and cried as they marveled at the beauty of their granddaughter. Then our brothers came and cried as they held their niece. We mourned together. I remember seeing Jesus in the room, weeping with us, interceding for us. He truly is so very near to the brokenhearted.
Our nurse, Blessing, lived up to her name and blessed us tremendously. Her shift ended at 7pm, but she didn’t leave our sides until midnight. She saw us to our new room and sat and cried with us for a while. She even came back the next day and took pictures of our sweet girl. What an honor.
The next day, we spent our last moments with her. It was excruciating. We made some of the most difficult decisions that no parent should ever have to make for their child. Autopsy or no autopsy? Burial or cremation? Which funeral home? It was exhausting and so very painful. Over the years, I have seen injustice of all kinds, but this … this is the greatest injustice of all. No one should ever have to lose a child.
When the moment finally came to leave and say goodbye, there was peace. I can’t explain it. At home, we were met by our sweet friends, Christina and Paula. Christina knows us so well. She made me an elaborate salad and her husband made sure that Kyle had some chicken fingers and fries. Food for the soul. From that point on, there has been a steady flow of kind words and acts of love from friends and family alike. We have been overwhelmed by it all. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Even though Opal’s spirit never returned to her body, and I am grieving over her loss, I am so thankful for how near Jesus has been through it all, and it has been an honor to praise him and let all that is within me (including every single emotion and all the pain) praise his name. “Lily’s Song” will always have a special place in my heart and remind me of one of my most treasured memories – my daughter’s birth story.
That was beautiful Maribeth. You know that prays where in full force in Missouri. Our precious jewel is with Gog and her great grandmother and great-great grand mother. We will always have here in our hearts. Love you both and I wish I could hold you both in my arms.
Wow, thank you so much for sharing that was beautiful!!! You and Kyle are heroes, we love you guys!
Maribeth your spirit is beautiful inside and out! Love you and miss you! – Amanda
I have mourned with you these past few weeks. You have such a strong faith and are such an inspiration. God bless you and Kyle in the days ahead.
Hello my darling Maribeth,
My heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry for your loss. I thank you for sharing what probably is the most painful thing you have had to do. I thank you for sharing the sweetness of your community and the willingness for that community to fight for you and your precious baby. That is something to cherish for as long as you live.
Again, I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. You are a mother through and through and I know you trust God for your future.
Thank you my friend for your love of God and sharing that love with all of us. Could I ever believe as deeply? Blessings from above to you and your husband.
I read your story after Marla Evans shared it. My husband and I had a beautiful baby girl who returned to The Lord 15 years ago. It is a difficult journey but our God is always faithful! You will see Him and know Him in ways you likely would have been unable to before this loss. He is good! I will remember you both in prayer. If you would like to talk, feel free to look me up on FB or contact me through Marla. Love and Blessings!
Oh, Maribeth, I had no idea. I loved reading this sweet story about Opal and my heart breaks for your empty arms. I admire your strong faith and will pray for God to continue to pour out an extra measure of His peace and comfort on you. In Him, Linda Zeiler
Undone! Thank you both for sharing. I am so very sorry for your loss.
So beautifully written. So painful to experience. Thank you for sharing how you all were seeing Jesus in the midst of your pain. As He mends your broken heart, I know it will be filled with even more of Him. Sweet Opal Joy!!
Maribeth, thank you so much for sharing this very personal journey with all of us. You guys have been so much in my prayers and I praise Him for how He has provided for your family through this journey and for Opal, who has touched so many and will continue too. I happen to be going through a very trying personal journey with our Annie right now, and this just spoke to my heart, and reminded me that through it all He is the one to be praised. He holds everything in His hands. He is sovereign. He is in control. No matter what happens in this life, I want to praise God with all that I am, and trust Him completely. Thank you again, Maribeth. Thank you for always being so bold in sharing your faith and your story.
Maribeth,
You continue to be in our hearts and prayers. What a precious angel you have waiting for you at heaven’s gate❤️
Thank you for sharing your story. Opal is a beautiful name! We have a daughter as well, Charlotte, who is no longer with us. She passed in the same way in July 2013. Please reach out to me on face book if you feel so compelled – Jennifer McMillen Rouhana
How precious and inspirational to all who read it. Prayers for you in your grief!
Oh Maribeth I had no idea! I am so sorry to hear this. Thank you for sharing her story. I am so glad you were surrounded by love and continue to have people all around you. Lily’s song has been a huge encouragement to me as well, and following Alyssa Quilala on Instagram as she processes the loss of her son, and this song has played a huge part in my healing and redemption from little girl I miscarried last May. https://youtu.be/B4xY-5cULO8
(If that link doesn’t work search youtube Amy’s song, Jonathan Helser)
Praying so much for you and Kyle!!! Huge hugs!!
Wow girl, thank you for sharing your story. Truly, there is nothing appropriate to say other than I love you both and I’m honored to call you a friend. I cannot relate to your experience but my heart was breaking with y’all thru those difficult hours as I joined with everyone in prayer for Opal.
You and Kyle remain in my prayers and close to my heart as you walk this out with Papa.
My heart aches for you all. Why DO bad things happen to good people?! Your strength and trust in the Lord through it all were a great witness to all who surrounded you. Prayers for great things for you all in the future. Love to you~
Precious Maribeth, this is beautifully spoken. (You were a great writer even in 6th grade!) My hearts longs to ease your pain. But I know you and your faith. You will rely on God as you always have done. He will continue to bless you and keep you. Love you.
You two are amazing! Opal has got to be so honored by how you loved her and believed for her. We love you guys!
Hi Maribeth,
I commend you & your husbands strength through this tragic situation. Sweet Opal will live on forever in all of our hearts what beautiful pictures you have of her. My husband and I were due with our 2nd born daughter Taylin Heather on 12/13/15 and she was born 11/29/15 38 weeks stillborn ???? I can completely relate to what you are going through and it is the hardest, worst thing to ever happen to anyone and the support from others has just been overwhelming and incredible but the fact is no one can truly understand unless they have been through it and sadly we have. I know we don’t know each other but I wanted to reach out and let you know my husband Daniel & I are here for you guys ❤️ Much love,
The Kruid family
This is a beautiful story, Maribeth. Heaven just keeps looking better and better, but we know that our work here on earth has not been completed. We serve a wonderful God and Savior and your words reflect great faith. We love you so much and pray for amazing things to happen in your lives this new year. We all just need to keep praising Him and know that He loved us greatly, to sacrifice His only son for us. What amazing love and grace!
Dear Maribeth – what a beautiful story. Sweet Opal Joy has been blessed to have you and Kyle as her parents. Thank you so much for sharing – you all continue to be in my heart and in my prayers.
Sweet sweet Maribeth, your love for Jesus and you strength amaze me. Your heart is so good. I am so ve y very sorry for your loss. 24 years ago on Feb. 5th I held by first baby boy and cried out to God to awaken him, He never did, and my precious son went to be with Jesus, as I held his tiny body. My faith wasn’t strong then, and the pain was so intense. After all these years God has healed my heart and blessed me with three wonderful kids. Although I will always ache for my precious baby, my faith and trust in our all mighty Savior has grown tremendously! He allows Great things to come out of a very hard experience….I love you !
What a beautiful story. I can’t even imagine. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
So beautifully written! You are an amazing and inspirational person. I too am familiar with MTHFR, as I am heterozygous, so it is not a factor in my fertility, but I had a battery of tests run after my second stillbirth, none of which revealed any sort of reason for losing my babies My sweet angels Dexter Richard (October 13, 2013) and Clairee Ruth (November 13, 2014) are cradled in the arms of our Lord along with your beautiful Opal Joy. I am so happy for the answers that you have and the path you have set for your health and well being. Prayers for you and your husband as you continue in your journey.
Maribeth,
I’m just so so sorry you and Kyle lost your Opal. My heart aches and I weep with you. I know my words are insufficient. I am deeply sorry.
We went to high school with Kyle. He shared your blog with my husband, Taylor, last night. I’m so humbled to read your words. You are beautiful. You are brave. Thank you for your willingness to write it out and share.
I have prayed for y’all since we first learned of your loss around Christmas. We lost our son at 14&1/2 weeks into the pregnancy. Our third loss.
Each story and situation is so unique, each journey of grief so specific to each heart. I do not know what you’re going through – I don’t want to claim I do… So in trying to find the words to explain my heart for you I want to say, I grieve with you, I mourn your loss in such a way that feels, for lack of any other words, holy.
What an honor to read your story.
Sally Stanfill
Meribeth,
Thank you so much for sharing your story and latest findings on what happened to the baby. I had a stilll born little boy back in the 70’s. The autopsy report never offered very much information. All I ever knew that somehow the oxygen supply was cut off. This was one of the hardest trials ever for me to go through. So many of my family members were having healthy babies and I was going through such a difficult time. I had a good Christian friend that had gone through a similar experience and she was an angel on earth to help me so much. One thing I do know is that situation increased my faith more than I could have ever imagined. I hope and pray that all these words will come across as positive. Please know that you are in my prayers daily! God does carry us through, I continue to thank him each day for my three grown babies that I have now. I know God will bless you too!
Love,
Tammy